LIFE GOES ON

Have you missed me? I've really missed posting and visiting. Truth is I may not be posting or visiting regularly for a while. Work is not conducive for anything but work for the time being.

I'm now staying with some church friends because I realized I don't need to be alone right now. See I fell in the bathroom and have some nasty bruises. I just lost my balance trying to maneuver with this cast. I feel like an idiot!!! I don't know about you (or if your alone) but it is very hard for me to ask for help so when I do you know I'm at my wits end. I fell on Monday morning so I didn't make it to weigh in. I called and cancelled WW until I'm back in my own environment. Right now I'm eating whatever the family is eating but I am trying so hard to eat less.

The family I'm with has teenagers so they are at the football game tonight. Oldest is in the band. They got me settled in with the a laptop and the TV. I assured them I would be fine. For the most part I have been fine but the fall really scared me more than hurt me. I'm going to make the most of this window of opportunity to visit some of y'all and then watch the debate.

I'm so happy the debate is going on as planned. Well, I don't know when I'll post again but I will return as soon as possible.

Sadness

I couldn't think of another title. Actually, I could think of another S word but didn't want to use it. For those wondering which leg is hurt it is the left one. Thank God!! I have an automatic transmission vehicle so I can drive except the pain pill bottle says I shouldn't. Co-workers have been very nice to offer to taxi me so I'm going that route for the next week or so.

You know, just when I get in a pit and ready to throw myself a pity party, someone comes along that is in worse shape than I am. That is how last night and today have gone. I don't mean to dump this stuff on you but it is either post/dump it or eat so there you go.

I received an email from my sister in another city that another sister's daughter in law miscarried yesterday. What a bummer? My nephew and his wife married later in life and had a baby 10 months ago but want another child and wanted to have them close in age. Personally I think they are nuts for wanting to do that but nevertheless, I'm not the one having them or raising them. We all rejoiced over the 1st baby, a boy. We rejoiced over the 2nd baby to be announcement and now we are heartsick over what they are going through. I guess I thought this news was the final straw for me or maybe it was the pain pills but I cried and cried and cried as if I couldn't stop. This morning I looked like "who would have thought it". I drug my sleepy, swollen eyed self out of the bed and proceeded to pull the trash bag over my cast, secure it, shower, get ready for work but I was late and I just didn't care. I think if my boss had said one word or looked sideways at me I would have just lost it. However, she was out of town and the only co-workers that paid any attention to me were supportive ones.

A friend called and wanted to have lunch, she sounded down and said she needed to talk. I explained my leg/cast and driving ordeal and told her I just didn't feel like going to a restaurant but if she wanted to pick something up we could eat in our conference room. I knew with the boss gone no one would be using it. I didn't think she would go for that idea but she did. She brought us both really great taco salads (with chicken fajita meat). I did not eat the shell. We caught up a little bit. I asked about her family and OMG I could have ripped my own tongue out. The look on her face I can't even describe, then the tears started to flow. She is getting a divorce from her husband of 38 years. Do I even need to go into the details? You can probably figure those out for yourself.

Now I'm single and if I ever get the urge for companionship, I remember my friends and family members divorces. UGH!!

By the time the day was over and I got home I was/am exhausted and wanted to eat everything in the kitchen. Luckily, there is nothing in the kitchen that isn't healthy and I didn't have the energy to go out and get binge/fast food.

WHEW!!! I feel such a release just now.

I suppose journaling does work. I don't have all this bottled up inside me now.

I have a tendency to fret about things I can't to anything about. Of course, no one is wanting or expecting me to do anything for them not my nephew or his wife and not my friend. My friend just needed to know I care about her and will be there to listen. I sent my nephew and his wife a thinking of you through this difficult time card. I don't think I would want to be talking to a lot of people, if I were her. I'll call my sister this weekend after she settles down some. Since she didn't call me directly, she must be handling it as best as she can.

Thanks blog buddies for hanging in here with me.

Sometimes

Sometimes I don't know if I'm taking a step forward or a step back.

This is my step forward part, after my Monday night binge, I've done pretty well eating wise. Thank you so much for all your encouragement. Mary Fran put it very directly in telling me not to start over tomorrow but to start over right then. Good advice. I feel much better just being able to voice (write) what is going on with me and not being condemned. Y'all knew just what I needed to hear (read).

Here is my step back part. Remember I mentioned twisting my ankle. Well, it continued to hurt really bad and stayed swollen so I went to the doctor yesterday, who did Xrays. Bottom line he found a hairline fracture in my foot!!!! I have a cast on my leg up to my knee for the next 6-8 weeks!!! Bless his heart, he did put a boot like heel thing on the bottom so I can get around with a cane, no crutches. He could take one look at me and tell I could not manage crutches. Talk about a challenge (not in a good way), dealing with this and driving are a hoot so is bathing (got to put my leg in a trash bag and duck tape it closed around my knee. Don't even try to picture it. Now I'm wondering how much this dang cast weighs. It feels like a ton. On the up side, I do have some mighty fine pain killers.

Of course all I want to do is eat and eat and eat some more but knowing that I can write about my woes may help me keep in control of the eating. Hope y'all are having a great day. I'm doing lunch at my desk and waiting to be brought a salad (not from Chik-fil-a JC) so I'll go for now.

Weigh In Monday Binge

I'm down another pound. I stayed for the meeting. The leader talked about self talk and about changing our negative thoughts into positive thoughts because our thoughts become our actions. Very good meeting.

Have you ever had a day that it didn't matter what you ate you were still hungry? I don't mean just wanting to eat to make yourself feel better about something but really hungry? Well, today was one of those days. Knowing I would be weighing tonight I did well food wise. But, on the way home I needed something from Dollar General and while I was there I bought regular sour cream Pringles. Then I drove thru Arby's and got not one but two ArbyQs. I came home and ate them both and the entire can of chips. I'm so sick right now, physically and in spirit. Why did I do such a stupid, stupid thing??? OMG they were so good. I could have had them, just not so much.

It is binge mentality, if there is such a thing. I was doing really well, I haven't binged since starting WW. I don't know why I did it. I'm not more stressed than usual. I'm disappointed that I'm not losing more but then I seldom stick completely to the plan, I use those 35 extra points. However, the weigh in ladies assure me that I'm doing well. I know I'm not getting enough exercise. I started walking then turned my ankle last Thursday so I'm not doing that now. How does one turn their ankle, just walking to one's car in a paved parking lot. I'm thankful I didn't fall but the my ankle hurt terribly for a few days. It is still swollen and purple.

You would have thought if I was going to binge it would have been when I hurt my ankle. There you go blog buddies, I've lost my mind and don't know where to find it. Maybe, I'll be able to put this behind me and start over tomorrow. I hope so.

Keep going

Well I went to WW last night and lost 1 lb in the last two weeks. That may not sound great but I'll take it.

Our leader talked about portion control and about the need to measure. She said if we want chips, fine but measure out 1 oz or whatever the serving size is don't just assume you know what an oz. looks like. One lady said she loves the low fat Pringles and can and has eaten the whole can but she now counts out the number the can says is a serving and puts them in baggies so they are ready to grab in the morning. Good idea but would require some planning.

She talked a lot about zero point foods. Basically eating a bunch of zero points does become points at some time. She gave the example of the 10 calorie Jello packs. One is zero points but three are 1 point. Well, I don't know about you but I could eat five of those without even thinking about it.

WW has started a Lose for Good food campaign. For the next six weeks WW will donate one lb of food for each pound its members loses up to 1 millions pounds of food. I thought that is pretty cool. We were given a chart to put on our ref to keep up with our pounds. The leader said if we wanted to participate personally to contribute 1 lb of food for each pound we lose. Bring it the last night and she will take it to a charity that distributes food. I think this will be good motivation for me to stay on track for the next few weeks. I came home and got a can of beans out of the pantry to represent the pound I lost last week.

Well, don't have anything else to report, work is OMG busy. No time to visit blogland. For some reason I am expected to work! Imagine that. Year end will soon (9/30) come and go, life will return to normal by the end of October. I hope.

SHORT AND SWEET

Sorry, I'm not consistent with my blog posting but I'm trying to do better. Tonight is WI and I admit I'm somewhat dreading it. Some days I felt like I did pretty well but they were few.

Update on the small group study materials. I mentioned it to the people that order stuff for the church and they gave me the run around. They said I would have to submit a proposal to the board and junk like that. The next working day. I sent an email to both of them and copied it to the associate pastor who had told us the church could get materials for us. I was very nice but very direct. I got a call today telling me my material for the small group study are in. I'm right happy with myself. Of course in the course of the conversation I was told I would have to return the leaders guide when I was finished with it. I didn't need to be told that but I guess it made the girl feel better to tell me anyway.

Gotta run. Hope ya'll had a great weekend. I'll try to post tomorrow with my WI results.

Side Tracked

Sorry I've haven't posted in over a week but not a lot to report. No weigh in Monday, Labor Day, and my Birthday. I've had good eating days and rotten eating days. I've mall walked every other day and I'm up to 15 minutes without stopping.

Work is crazy with drawing close to fiscal year end and beginning a new cycle so work is really all I can focus on right now.

I do need some advice. I was in a business meeting with a man that I've known several years. I meet with him about once a year. Well, our meeting was over, we shook hand and then he winked at me and called me "hun" as in honey. He has never done this before and I was so shocked I didn't have a comeback. I don't think he meant anything by it but good golly Gertie I do think it was inappropriate. What do you think? How would you have handled it? Or, would you just chalk it up to "stupid old fart" and let it go? Let me know.

I'll try to get visiting soon.

YEA!!

O.K. I did it and I'm proud I did it!! I weighed in last night and would you believe I lost 3 lbs!! The lady that weighed me in told me how well I was doing she said to expect a 1 lb lost each week. She said since I missed last week then I was well on target. The leader gave me a bookmark for coming back. She said it was for putting stickers on when I get stickers. HEY, I like getting stuff. I thought that was silly but if it works it works.

I stayed for the meeting. The leader discussed crazy hungry and over stuffed. She said we should eat in the middle of the two. Eat when you first start feeling hungry and stop for a few minutes after you eat half of your food. If you decided you are satisfied or no more hungry pains, then stop but if not eat half of what is left and repeat the process. Now I have to admit this sounds simple enough but I had never thought of it. I usually wolf down as much food as I can and 30 minutes later I don't even remember what I ate.

She also talked about and the other members discussed how to recognize physical hunger. I honestly am not sure I've ever experienced it. This week I'm going to

• wait until I feel physical hunger
• make healthy choices
• slow my eating down and actually taste the food
• eat half, wait, assess if I'm still hungry, if so, eat half or all if necessary.
• eat until satisfied not stuffed (this will be a major victory)

She also talked about how core foods can help fill up us and keep us full longer. Great meeting.

Thanks to all of y'all for hanging in here with me. It means more than I can verbalize. Consider yourself hugged. Have a great day.

Monday Monday How I dread that day.

Good Morning!!! With a lot of excitement is how I greet people when I enter the office. Usually what I get in return is a handful of grunts. Why is it that people have such a distaste for Monday? For me it is the beginning of another frantic work week of which I have absolutely no interest what so ever. Isn't that a terrible thing to say? I'm sure you are reading this and thinking "she should find another job". Well, maybe you are right but I like what I do and I've been with this company a long time. It has good benefits as far as insurance and retirement go. God be willing I'll live long enough to appreciate the chunk that comes out of my paycheck for retirement. Well so much for that.

I don't have a lot to post about. My weekend was quite and I believe I made good eating decisions. I am definitely going to weigh in tonight.

I've been following along with JC on the 100 Day Challenge even though I'm not officially following it. I like to read her cliff note version of the book as I read the book. The book makes some good points but I just can't do that much soul searching right now.

Well I need to get busy. I'll let you know how it goes tonight.

CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE

Have you ever been caught in the middle or put in an awkward situation. Makes me nuts!!!! There are three of us (church friends) that lead a small group. Well, we (I) took the summer off for several reasons. Mainly, I was just tired. The group met at my house so I felt responsible for everything and I was the only one that didn't miss a meeting. It is time for small groups to start meeting again for the fall for 10 weeks. One of the other three has agreed to host the group in her place of business which is more centrally located. I'm kinda out in the country. The other one suggested we do a Beth Moore study, however, when it comes right down to it, where the rubber mets the road, it is me that will be shelling out over $200 for materials. Now I'm not really keen on this idea but I know her studies have to be good. I've read several of her books. My deal is that although the others say they will help purchase the study materials, I will have a hard time getting the money out of them. Been there done that on books for the last study. However, I have now strayed away from my point.

My awkward situation is, another friend told me that she has used those studies in her small group. Well, the women that help me suggested I contact her and see if we could borrow her materials. I didn't want to do this but I did. Just as I figured, she has reservations about lending them out but she will think about it. I understand completly where she is coming from. I've lent out many books, tapes, etc over the years never to see them again.

There are plenty of other studies out there that are just as good but will require me to put in more effort to lead the group (because, I'm the one that winds up doing it) as far as time in study goes and to be honest with you. I don't have a lot of time right now at year end. You may be asking why the church doesn't provide the materials. The answer would be, it is easier to pull a tooth than get resources, besides if we pay for it, we don't have to have leadership approval. HUM. I just realized how that sounds. Oh, well, here I am ranting. But, really have you ever been put in such a situation?

Last night's weigh in didn't happen. I found that the meeting was futher away than I thought and in an area I didn't want to go. However, today has been a good eating day and I'm determined to make good choices this weekend.