Sadness

I couldn't think of another title. Actually, I could think of another S word but didn't want to use it. For those wondering which leg is hurt it is the left one. Thank God!! I have an automatic transmission vehicle so I can drive except the pain pill bottle says I shouldn't. Co-workers have been very nice to offer to taxi me so I'm going that route for the next week or so.

You know, just when I get in a pit and ready to throw myself a pity party, someone comes along that is in worse shape than I am. That is how last night and today have gone. I don't mean to dump this stuff on you but it is either post/dump it or eat so there you go.

I received an email from my sister in another city that another sister's daughter in law miscarried yesterday. What a bummer? My nephew and his wife married later in life and had a baby 10 months ago but want another child and wanted to have them close in age. Personally I think they are nuts for wanting to do that but nevertheless, I'm not the one having them or raising them. We all rejoiced over the 1st baby, a boy. We rejoiced over the 2nd baby to be announcement and now we are heartsick over what they are going through. I guess I thought this news was the final straw for me or maybe it was the pain pills but I cried and cried and cried as if I couldn't stop. This morning I looked like "who would have thought it". I drug my sleepy, swollen eyed self out of the bed and proceeded to pull the trash bag over my cast, secure it, shower, get ready for work but I was late and I just didn't care. I think if my boss had said one word or looked sideways at me I would have just lost it. However, she was out of town and the only co-workers that paid any attention to me were supportive ones.

A friend called and wanted to have lunch, she sounded down and said she needed to talk. I explained my leg/cast and driving ordeal and told her I just didn't feel like going to a restaurant but if she wanted to pick something up we could eat in our conference room. I knew with the boss gone no one would be using it. I didn't think she would go for that idea but she did. She brought us both really great taco salads (with chicken fajita meat). I did not eat the shell. We caught up a little bit. I asked about her family and OMG I could have ripped my own tongue out. The look on her face I can't even describe, then the tears started to flow. She is getting a divorce from her husband of 38 years. Do I even need to go into the details? You can probably figure those out for yourself.

Now I'm single and if I ever get the urge for companionship, I remember my friends and family members divorces. UGH!!

By the time the day was over and I got home I was/am exhausted and wanted to eat everything in the kitchen. Luckily, there is nothing in the kitchen that isn't healthy and I didn't have the energy to go out and get binge/fast food.

WHEW!!! I feel such a release just now.

I suppose journaling does work. I don't have all this bottled up inside me now.

I have a tendency to fret about things I can't to anything about. Of course, no one is wanting or expecting me to do anything for them not my nephew or his wife and not my friend. My friend just needed to know I care about her and will be there to listen. I sent my nephew and his wife a thinking of you through this difficult time card. I don't think I would want to be talking to a lot of people, if I were her. I'll call my sister this weekend after she settles down some. Since she didn't call me directly, she must be handling it as best as she can.

Thanks blog buddies for hanging in here with me.

Sometimes

Sometimes I don't know if I'm taking a step forward or a step back.

This is my step forward part, after my Monday night binge, I've done pretty well eating wise. Thank you so much for all your encouragement. Mary Fran put it very directly in telling me not to start over tomorrow but to start over right then. Good advice. I feel much better just being able to voice (write) what is going on with me and not being condemned. Y'all knew just what I needed to hear (read).

Here is my step back part. Remember I mentioned twisting my ankle. Well, it continued to hurt really bad and stayed swollen so I went to the doctor yesterday, who did Xrays. Bottom line he found a hairline fracture in my foot!!!! I have a cast on my leg up to my knee for the next 6-8 weeks!!! Bless his heart, he did put a boot like heel thing on the bottom so I can get around with a cane, no crutches. He could take one look at me and tell I could not manage crutches. Talk about a challenge (not in a good way), dealing with this and driving are a hoot so is bathing (got to put my leg in a trash bag and duck tape it closed around my knee. Don't even try to picture it. Now I'm wondering how much this dang cast weighs. It feels like a ton. On the up side, I do have some mighty fine pain killers.

Of course all I want to do is eat and eat and eat some more but knowing that I can write about my woes may help me keep in control of the eating. Hope y'all are having a great day. I'm doing lunch at my desk and waiting to be brought a salad (not from Chik-fil-a JC) so I'll go for now.

I FORGOT

My boss' birthday. Her 40th birthday. It was a hectic day as usually so I hid out in my office as best as I could but around 3:30 pm she appears at the door. In her hand are two huge pieces of birthday cake. I realized immediately what I had done. She of course was concerned about me because I had been so quite for the last couple of days (she knows what I have been doing no secret there). She just decided to bring me a piece of her cake and have a snack with me. Well she is the size of a straw and eats crap all the time. How she does it I don't know. I'm secretly hoping it will catch up to her in the next 15 years when she is my age but I don't plan on hanging around to watch her butt spread. She is o.k. as far as bosses go but I hate being evaluated by someone who is so much younger. Sometimes I get the "I don't want to hear how it was done back in the day" look and then there is the "Oh Lord when will she retire" look. Yes, I ate the cake but I had done really well up to the point.

In order to save face, I chirp, "how about you letting me take you to lunch tomorrow." Thinking she would give me a list of things more demanding of her attention but she said she would love that!!!!!! So, we have just returned from O'Charley's. I looked at Dottie's site before I went and decided on a house salad, lite honey mustard dressing on the side and a cup of potato soup 11 points tops. That is what I did. It make such a big difference deciding before hand. She didn't question my selection; she got the same thing. However, I ate a roll, had it in my mouth before I even thought. I counted it 3.5 pts for one roll!!!!! It was so good. I still have some points for dinner.

Thanks all of you that left comments yesterday. I stuck a writing pad in my purse so I can scribble what I wrote as soon as I can rather than waiting until I get home. I'm remembering it is one day at a time. Tomorrow is another business luncheon. It is at a local cafe and we will be ordering from the menu. I found some salad dressing in individual serving pouches so I'm going to stick one of those in my purse so I'll know exactly what I'm putting on the salad I'm planning on having.

I gotta plan and I'm going to work it.