Thursday, August 14, 2008

Have You Ever.....

Have you ever got to thinking about an event or situation that happen years ago and ticked yourself off for even thinking about it?

Today was another busy day at work and honestly I think I did o.k. food wise but I'll have to really think about it later. I'm posting now to keep from eating everything in the kitchen that resembles food.

On the way home, for no apparent reason, well, there was a reason but it happened yesterday and too long to go into. Sorry I'm rambling. On the way home today, I started thinking about a work situation that came up years back and long since over. Said situation almost cost me my job because I was falsely blamed for saying something about someone I didn't say. Well, I was investigated by the company's internal affairs department for months. The complaint could not be proven so it was dropped. Now over the years the people involved have left the company I work for except for two. Yesterday one of these two decided for no apparent reason to be friendly to me a company meeting. I was cordial but I really wanted to tell her to drop dead. Isn't that awful??? I'm rambling again. As I was allowing myself, to relive that incident, I just became very ticked off. I surprised myself because I honestly thought I had put the whole crappy mess behind me. For heaven's sake, it is over, I won. My accusers were made to look like idiots so why am I even concerning myself with it now. Their opportunities for advancement are non-existent.

I feel guilty for harboring the feelings I feel for these two old broads (co-workers). I call myself a Christian!! But, I don't feel very Christlike when it comes to my thoughts toward them. I don't wish either of them any ill will. OH, who am I kidding. I wish them both ill will. If neither of them existed, I don't think it would brother me at all. My gosh how awful is that!!! So, instead of blowing off the whole thing, I drove through McDonald's and got an ice cream cone (3 pts). I RAN TO FOOD over something that happen years ago. Grant it I didn't buy bags full of burgers & fries and wolf them down on the way home but still...

I'm trying to figure out what I am really feeling because I know that it will only be by confronting my emotions that I may be able to break this cycle. The running to food cycle. Was I physically hungry - NO. Now I'm feeling like this uncontrolled person that I don't know and don't like.

I'm thinking the reason I'm having these feelings is that I never got an apology. I guess in some part of my mind I thought that these two would eventually realize what they have done and apologize. That hasn't happened and it isn't going to happen. So how do I move past it??? Any suggestions? Really, I am interested in knowing if any of you have had or are having issues like this. How did you deal?

2 comments:

Deborah said...

I have those same kinds of feelings at times too. Mine are toward my x-husband. And unfortunately I can't put it behind me because I have children with this horrible person. When I get in one of those moods I have to calm myself down and remind myself that I am only upsetting myself to dwell on it. Sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn't and I get all worked up into a tizzy.

Don't beat yourself up over these feelings. After all we are only human.

Fortunately I don't have problems with emotional eating. I just eat because I LOVE food (as I set here munching on a tossed salad with kidney beans). (I'd rather have a Big Mac :o( )

At least when you went through the drive-thru you only got the ice cream cone! And it was only 3 points! That's an accomplishment in and of itself. You didn't succumb to the burgers and fries. I'm really proud of you!!

JC said...

Hey Anna B. Your doing well. This is why we blog to help ourselves, let others help us and then help others. I know it doesn't seem like it now but you will learn how to deal effectively. Yes, I do have issues that come up from time to time that send me searching for food to settle me down but I've just a temporary fix. Just like drugs; sugar is my drug of choice.
Sitting down and journaling and asking for advice is a wonderful way to keep from eating everything in the kitchen. Hang in there.